Whether carer burnout is periodic or chronic, fortunately, there is much that you can do.
There is a saying that it takes a community to raise a child, and that is never truer than with autism. Sit down and think about all of the people in your life that care about you, write a list of them, and next to each name write down how they may be able to help you, no matter how big or small that initial idea is. When we are burnt out, it is difficult to even know what we need, but you will need to talk about it to someone to be able to cry and express what is going on for you. You will need time to yourself to recover in nature or with animals by yourself or enjoyable social times with friends. These times to yourself may seem impossible right now, but they are possible and, in fact, non-negotiable for your survival of parenting your loved one. Reach out to an organisation near you who can provide counselling, respite, or guidance and advice. If you are unsure where to start, contact the local Autism Association and they will help you.
When we are burnt out, we are overwhelmed and we cannot see the “wood for the trees,” as they say. You will only be able to take a step back when you have followed step 1 above. Once you have taken a step back, write down all the worries and concerns that you have about your child. The list may be long, and that is okay. Next, prioritise one worry on the list. You can only cope with one problem at a time; start with the most pressing. With a support person, do some problem-solving together on that first problem. Create a plan. The rest can wait. Usually, the first problem is about safety, safety trumps all the other problems.
Burnout is usually characterised by having unrealistic expectations on oneself, often due to being an overachiever or a perfectionist. Talk with someone to ensure that your expectations about the outcome for your loved one, and about what you can manage in one day, or one hour, are realistic. Write down and rehearsing new thought patterns would assist you in caring for your loved one.
It is very common in burnout to neglect your own needs. You may need to have that GP or specialist appointment; prioritise it. Rethink how you can maintain good nutrition, rest, exercise, quality time with a partner or close friend and reconnect with the activities and interests that you used to enjoy. These may sound like luxuries at the moment, but they are crucial to your well-being. Remember, whilst you may feel that you must spend every minute of every day with your autistic child or they will not cope, this is a recipe for burnout. Burnout means that you may have a physical or mental breakdown, and then not be able to be with your autistic child at all. Maintaining self-care prevents this catastrophic outcome.
Keep in contact with friends and family members for social times just to connect and hang out, even when you don’t feel like it. Humans are social beings and your need for socialising may be less than others, but it is still a need. If it is not fulfilled, you will end up feeling depressed and increasingly isolated. Consider joining a support group. The members of the group will have empathy for your situation and have ideas to reduce burnout that they have found successful themselves. Sometimes it is very valuable to just be with someone who has shared the same thoughts and emotions.
Sometimes the reason for feeling overwhelmed is because the advice and methods utilised in the past don’t seem to be working in the parenting of your autistic child. You may benefit from new methods. Armed with knowledge about autism and how autism affects your child, you will be best placed to know how to parent your child when things become difficult. Overwhelm becomes less likely.
Access the best version of yourself and, from that point of view, write yourself an incredibly supportive letter. Include in the letter the information you need to know on a daily basis based on your knowledge of yourself, your child and autism, including any mantras that may help and any sources of inspiration, including heroes that you have, images, or quotes. Make an appointment with yourself at the beginning of every day to spend two minutes reading this letter. Pause at the parts that make you feel the strongest and most capable. At these times, absorb those feelings into your body. It can be helpful at these times to also use a butterfly tap. This is a form of bilateral stimulation from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) that is very helpful for installing internal resources. To use the butterfly tap, place your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder. Your arms should be crossed over your chest. Then just alternately tap your shoulders with each hand, first one and then the other and continue.
Our breath gives us energy. Regularly throughout the day, whenever you have a spare moment, even if it is when you are washing up or on the toilet, pay attention to your breath. Notice the natural breath first, and then add an extra second to the in-breath and an extra two seconds to the out-breath. Continue with this new way of breathing for about one minute. You will experience increased energy and fortitude. If you can do it for two minutes, that is even better.
It is more wonderful and more terrifying than we could possibly have imagined to be parenting an autistic child. Acknowledge both the wonder and the challenges and make the first step today toward self-care. Remember, if you are not here because of a catastrophe due to burnout, you cannot care for your loved one at all. Reach out for help and remember that you are not alone.
On the 22nd of August, 2025, we will present our Event, Autistic Burnout.
What you will gain from the course:
We welcome you to take part!
